What a fucking weird week. I can’t think of anything in my life that has uprooted the entire sports world with such a force in history. Nearly every major sport has postponed, suspended, or cancelled all their games for the time being. The gambling world weeps as March Madness is cancelled in its entirety as people look left and right to find it’s replacement. From the ashes rises the Phoenix. Here comes big, bald Dana White to the rescue. He says fuck you COVID-19 we are just gonna broadcast with no fans and make this shit earlier so people can have something to watch to get through this miserable time. I don’t want to say he is a hero, but he is a hero. All of my friends now hitting me up for bets to make now that they don’t have their usual going on. I feel empowered, COVID-19 has given me the value I have been seeking since I started this damn blog.

Fuck Kevin Lee. I can’t fucking stand this loser. I’ve disliked him for so long. Then he moves to Tristar and makes me think maybe he’s turning things around. NOPE. He is the same idiot he always has been. Ok obviously I overreact when people miss weight all the time. THE MAN SAID IF HE IS CUTTING HE IS FIGHTING. You can not make statements like that then miss the limit by 2.5 pounds. It’s your motherfucking job. Whatever I now stan Do Bronx. Other than that fight we have Demian Maia back vs Gilbert Burns which should be an awesome contest. Maia is like 59 years old or something and still co-maining it’s great to see. We got Johnny Walker, Renato Moicano, Jussier Formiga, Brandon Moreno, and many more to round out what could be the most opportunistic card of all time.

Let’s get into these goddamn picks:

Main Event

Kevin Lee vs Charles Oliveira Lightweight Bout

Kevin Lee this and Kevin Lee that. Look the guy has definitely improved his standup a bit since joining the fellas in the great white north, but what people are forgetting is that he wasn’t doing too well in that fight before he landed that combo. He has always had a hard time against good competition, and he got picked apart by Ragin Al. The guy is vastly overrated and to miss weight at such an important moment like this is nearly inexcusable.

DO BRONX. This man has truly turned it around. A 6 fight win streak, all finishes. The man hasn’t seen the scorecards since 2014. His featherweight stint was bad, but since he has come back, his only loss is to Paul Felder. Charles is here to put his name in the front of everyone’s mind when you think of who should be getting top contender fights. I am all in on Charles From the Bronx Oliveira. Plus this man has never lost in Brazil, not sure if the lack of crowd will hurt him but I think he will do just fine.

Charles Oliveira by 3rd Round Submission +120 1 unit

Demian Maia vs Gilbert Burns Welterweight Bout

Fuck I love both of these guys. They go out there and do what they do best, finish fights. Maia can be considered a one trick pony. But he is really fucking good at that one trick. This man is arguably one of the best BJJ practitioners in UFC history (I’m calling you out Royce, you haven’t submitted guys of near this caliber). His achilles heel is usually very good wrestlers, ie Tyron Woodley, Colby Covington, Kamaru Usman. Then he goes out there and chokes out Ben Askren with ease?!?!?! Sign me up.

GIlbert Burns loves to fight. I love to watch Gilbert Burns fight. He is the new Cowboy, taking fights left and right, or should I say the male Angela Hill. There is no one too scary, and no weight class too big. He has incredible BJJ, but has the power to KO you as well. He is coming off 4 straight wins against some solid competition, 2 of them being at welter, 2 at lightweight. This should be an incredibly fun fight to watch, but I think with his size and acumen, Maia manages to take this one. The only thing standing in his way is being 42 years old. +160 for such a close matchup is just too juicy to not take.

Demian Maia by 2nd Round Submission +160 1 unit

Renato Moicano vs Damir Hadzovic Lightweight Bout

Renato needs to start putting it all together at this stage. It seems like he has the tools but he has lost to 2 straight legends and needs this bounce back to stay in talks of being at the top of the division. If you told me that Damir has only fought twice in the UFC I’d believe you, but shockingly he has been around for 4 years now. I think this is just someone Dana is putting in front of Renato to build his confidence or show that he is not as high level as we once thought.

Renato Moicano by Decision -347 2 units

Johnny Walker vs NIkita Krylov Light Heavyweight Bout

JOHNNY WALKER IS BACK. This guy is so goddamn fun, such a goddamn shame he lost to the least fun person in LHW history. He is here to prove he belongs, switched up his camp and won’t be fucking around when he takes on Krylov. Dana shot Walker through the rankings a bit too quick, I think now he has had the time to go back and see what he needs to do to fight at this level. I don’t think Krylov is special enough to win this fight. There are no spots I think he is better than walker in, he is smaller, and doesn’t have the UFC praying for him to win.

Johnny Walker by 3rd Round TKO -145 2 units

Francisco Trinaldo vs John Makdessi Lightweight Bout

Trinaldo got absolutely screwed by the judges in his fight against Hernandez so I am going to say he is coming off a 3 fight win streak coming into this bout. He is 41 years old and not the oldest on this card which is a bit crazy, but his talent is extremely underrated. John Makdessi is ALSO on a 3 fight win streak, but no one of note was really involved. I think as long as the years haven’t gotten to Trinaldo should take this with relative ease.

Francisco Trinaldo by Decision -172 2 units

Prelims

Jussier Formiga vs Brandon Moreno Flyweight Bout

This is one hell of a matchup. Talk about 2 guys who can help keep this division afloat. Moreno is a young guy and will have plenty of time to cement himself as a force at 125, but I do not think he has what it takes yet to beat Formiga. Formiga got KOd by Benavidez but also beat Figgy the fight before that. I think he is at a way higher level and will take this one.

Jussier Formiga by Decision -162 1 unit

Amanda Ribas vs Randa Markos Strawweight Bout

Amanda Ribas by Decision -340 2 units

Elizeu Zaleski dos Santos vs Alexey Kunchenko Welterweight Bout

Alexey Kunchenko by 3rd Round TKO +105 1 unit

Rani Yahya vs Enrique Barzola Bantamweight Bout

Rani Yahya by Decision +160 1 unit

Mayra Bueno Silva vs Maryna Moroz Flyweight Bout

Mayra Bueno by Decision -145 2 units

Bruno Silva vs David Dvorak Flyweight Bout

David Dvorak by 3rd Round TKO -112 1 unit

Veronica Macedo vs Bea Malecki Bantamweight Bout

Bea Malecki by 2nd Round Submission +132

That wraps up this week’s fights! I want to thank the Chinese dude that ate a bat for putting so much attention on the sport, I want to thank my friends asking me for bets to motivate me to write this blog even though I was considering taking this off, and I want to thank beautiful Dana White for not being a coward and keeping the event on. Now all we can do is pray that the UFC keeps this momentum riding into Brooklyn in April So Khabib Ferguson can fucking happen. I have never been more nervous about something in my whole goddamn life. With all that being said, as always, may luck be your lady tonight.

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